Why I Hate Birds

One of the things that makes me different from most people is my unconditional fear of birds. Yes, birds, those creatures with beaks, wings, and feathers. And yes, it's weird. Why do I call it unconditional? Because, regardless of what type of birds, whether small, medium, large, chickens, chicks, ducks, eagles, peacocks, doves, love birds, parrots, cockatoos, turkeys, ostriches, emus, penguins, stuffed, alive, dying, flying, swimming, whatever, I don't like them. Period.

I've been teased a lot lately because of that fear. Some actually laughed really hard because of it. And I've also been asked numerous times as to why am I so damn scared of birds. Of all creatures, why birds?

There have been many speculations that tried to explain my fear of birds. One said that I might have been pecked when I was a kid. Another said that I might have had a pet bird that I love so much that flew away. Someone said that a flock of birds might have chased me. Well, to answer that million dollar question, read on...

First of, let me tell you what I think of phobia. Phobia is a condition of extreme fear of something, whatever that something is.

I categorize phobia into two: psychological phobia and physical phobia. Yes, I just made up those two terms. Weren't you paying attention? I said "I categorize". I didn't say I read it in a book or got it from an expert... sheesh. Anyways, physical phobia is based on a person's experience. A person might have had a very nasty experience about something that led to the development of a phobia. For example, a person may have an extreme fear of blood because that person may have witnessed a bloody death of a loved one (like Tsunade Sama of Naruto). A person may develop claustrophobia (fear of enclosed and narrow spaces) because that person might have fallen into a well when he was a kid and had something like a near-death experience (like Robert Langdon of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code). Psychological phobia, on the other hand, does not require having a bad experience of something. It could be as simple as being creeped out of something, like mice and spiders. A lot of people are so afraid of mice and/or spiders not because they've been bitten by mice and/or spiders but because mice and/or spiders creep them out. And that is exactly what I feel about birds. They creep me out... a lot.

I don't like their wings. I don't like their feathers. I don't like their big round eyes. I don't like their beaks. I don't like their feet. And I most certainly don't like the fact that there are millions of them in this planet (No offense to all bird-lovers, environmentalists, ecological scientists, nature lovers, bird-breeders, and so on and so forth). They are so icky, freaky, creepy, nasty, disgusting (I ran out of adjectives) creatures. Don't get me wrong, I do eat chickens... as long as they're fried or roasted or whatever type of dish you can come up with chickens, and as long as they don't have their heads and feet with them. I could also touch feather dusters. What I could not stand is if it already resembles an anatomically complete bird. They (birds) really creep me out.

Happy with my explanation? Of course you are... So, whenever you see me or whenever you're planning something to surprise me, here are some big No-No's: Aviaries, Stuffed Birds, Bird Figurines, Pictures of Birds, Videos of Birds, Petting Zoos with Birds, Actual Birds, and/or anything that closely resembles a bird. Got it? Good.

Well, got to go. I have to plot my revenge on my officemates who placed a creepy Kiwi decoration on top of my workstation and on top of my seat... Vengeance!!!